Possible TW: This post discusses secondary infertility and parenthood. If you are not comfortable reading, please check out another one of my blog posts. No hard feelings, I promise! <3
I would love to shed more light on the topic of infertility and parenthood. As a fellow infertile parent, it is a unique challenge to balance parenting and infertility. Add in the balancing act of tending to your marriage, friendships, family, work, and self-care… there is a substantial burden placed on the person who is dealing with infertility.
I will say, I didn't fully grasp the impact infertility had on me as a parent until I started IVF. I regularly feel guilty for “wanting more,” and taking time away from moments with my son to do infertility treatments, in the form of IVF. Mom guilt is already at an all-time high, but factoring in this infertility guilt… my heart and mind have been through enough.
It was in those moments when I had to leave extremely early in the morning for blood work, ultrasounds, or a procedure, and I missed our morning routine. It was the mood swings I struggled to contain due to my hormones fluctuating and general frustrations/anxiety that accompany this process. It was the amount of time wasted staring at my phone scouring Reddit forums and watching IG Reels during my first TWW instead of being in the moment with my son. It was in all of that while undergoing my first round of IVF that I realized the impact infertility had on my son and me, and our journey as mother and son.
One morning, 7dp5dt of my first FET cycle, I laid in my bed with my son as we watched a cartoon together early the morning. I had been feeling my typical period symptoms, and I just knew this FET failed. I will speak more on that FET experience in a future post, but the parenting “a-ha!” moment I had in that moment was: I WILL be more present. I will not let anxiety overcome me. I will embrace every emotion, feel them, then continue marching on. If I do not or cannot do that for myself, and my son, infertility wins again.
So, to anyone navigating infertile parenthood like me, hang in there. You are not alone. You are a wonderful parent to your child. You control what you can control, and everything else will be as it may.
You've got this!
Your IVF Bestie,
Kristin
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